it's been a year

I haven't posted in over a year.

There's a reason for this.

My current job is probably the most challenging job I've ever had, and it keeps me busy during the day and I'm exhausted when I get home.

I thought that this would improve as I became more trained and understood the work a bit better, but I've found in the last year and a half that this is a company that is always changing, and unfortunately has not offered me any sort of stability. I'm always left guessing.

In January of this year it looked like I would be given a sort of reprieve. An opening appeared at the private program and I was asked to take the spot by our clinical director. Private clients are often easier to work with and come through the door with stronger family support and overall stability. I would also be working in the same building as the clinical director and would have a colleague to discuss cases with.

I made the change, despite a strong desire to not add more change to my life. It seemed as though I would settle in well, when a bomb was dropped. Allegations were made by a former client of mine that while he was in our care, our female program manager, who co-ran the program with me, had had a sexual relationship with him.

As a company entrusted with the care of adolescent clients, you can understand why such allegations would be horrifying and deeply concerning. An investigation was opened, all my clients and former clients were interviewed and my paperwork was audited. I was told that everything went well and that the police felt that if anything sexual had happened it only involved the one client.

The news ran stories for several days, showing my facility and flashing the mug-shot of my former co-worker. To give you and idea, I was the lead therapist over a 12-bed facility. I don't work for a large company, and it was deeply upsetting to all of us to have this happening.

Despite being told things were good, within two days of the audit, someone from the state decided that it was necessary to pull all the state kids from the home. I was given no notice and the kids were gone. I can't really describe how traumatizing this was for me as a clinician but I'm sure you can imagine. I had worked daily with several of the boys for over a year and many of them were nearing their graduations.

Last week the program was shut down, the remaining boys were transferred and we had to lay off several staff. The state is refusing to place boys with us, so we have decided to remodel the facility and re-open it as another private program.

My former colleague is facing 5 felony charges for her conduct, and I've heard that she will most likely plea-bargain in order to prevent the adolescent from having to go through a trial.

The goofy thing about all of this is that my job is difficult on its own, without any of this added drama and instability. All of this has pushed my limits and made me wonder if I'm in the right line of work.

One positive of this is that I know I have been protected during this time. I won't go into specifics, but I know God was looking out for me.

This entire situation has really taught me how the decisions and choices of just one person can have a reaching and destructive affect. This is a sentiment I have heard about, but one that had not happened to me firsthand.

When I start thinking about it I get overwhelmed, but I'm hoping that with time this will all work out.