I've had a few thoughts bouncing around and I've been wanting to find time to solidify them before writing, but I know that will never happen so this will be my halfhearted attempt.
I was reading in the scriptures, specifically in the book of Mosiah (Book of Mormon) chapter 19. Now I'm not much for recalling names and places, but essentially what was going on in this chapter was that a King named Noah was in charge and he was no good. How I know he was no good was because of his actions. I know they always say that it's nearly impossible to judge history based on one record and one perspective but in the 19th chapter, The King saw that his city was going to be attacked by another group (the Lamanites) and his response was to tell the men to "save themselves" and head for the hills. He is recorded as telling them to leave their wives and children. Primarily it seems he was directing his priests and closest advisers.
It seems that he felt the attack was so imminent that any preparations to evacuate everyone or defend the city were either futile or of no interest to him.
The men who don't leave, and stay to protect their families are spared by the Lamanites, after the Lamanites hearts are softened by the Lord. This is a whole different story.
So these rascals and their morally corrupt king take off. I think the king dies somehow, maybe fire? and the other men begin roving through the woods. They left their settled lives and now have no where to be or anything to do. I've noticed that happens to people when they run from responsibly.
While aimlessly wandering they come upon a gathering spot for Lamanite women. I guess maybe a clearing on the edge of the jungle. And what do these men do when they come across these women?Well first they spy on them, watch them. Then they kidnap them. They kidnap 24 women and disappear.
Ok. So here are some of the thoughts that are percolating. I obviously have a lot of thoughts and feelings about pornography use, infidelity, and stuff like this. I feel like this king, and these men who fled the town with him represent a lot of current societal norms and problems we have going on today. I want to be clear, I'm not writing this to condemn men or vilify folks who struggle with addiction. What I instead want to talk about is how we regard and protect our personal relationships and if we are married - how we make sure that our priorities fall in line with maintaining and building the strength in these relationships so that when hard times come, when we are told by the "king" to do one thing, we recognize the absurdity of the request, and instead check in with a well-developed moral core that keeps us grounded where it matters.
On one hand I don't know these men that fled with the king, but on the other hand I'm all too familiar with folks who get up and leave the minute the going gets tough and somehow think that running away if the best solution. I in all seriousness do not see how running away from a situation is ever the correct answer. Real quick, I'm referring to relationships void of abuse dynamics - of course. Also lets remember that there are a lot ways to "run away" from relationships even if you don't physically go anywhere.
So if we go back to these guys who fled we can quickly see how things turned out for them. They had no one, they were wandering in the jungle, and felt they couldn't return home. The author of Mosiah 19 surmised that they felt shame for their actions and also worried they would be killed by the newly installed King Limhi for their cowardly actions. I kinda wonder if they really felt all that. Their actions would suggest they don't handle consequences well and most likely justified away their behavior. To say that they felt shame would suggest some ability for "right vs. wrong" thinking, but my guess would be that if they could feel shame, they probably wouldn't have gone and kidnapped 24 women.
If we liken some of this to how pornography enters the lives of people I think there are similarities. As pornography is consumed and utilized for arousal and sexual interests, it creates space in relationships. Sexual satisfaction has been shown to decrease in relationships as pornography is utilized - which tends to be the opposite of what people think will happen. Users tend to need to increase their intake to maintain certain physical responses, and when that fails they will then escalate in their use, searching out more and more deviant types of sexual behavior in order to get aroused. Why do people get into sado-masochistic sex or that thing where you almost choke yourself out and cut off your own air supply? I can't remember the name for it right now. People aren't born with that unique sexual interest.....they have worked their way up to that because they moved further and further away from healthy sexual interests.
In this scenario - the men working for the king let their association with the king, maybe their jobs, get in the way of their personal relationships. Possibly they were enamored with the prestige or social status of working for the king. Possibly they thought they HAD to do what the king told them, Long story short, they made a crappy decision.
Sorry, let me get back on track. Going back to the Book of Mosiah. So these men wander off - have nothing to do - probably miss certain aspects of their previous life so they see some girls and they take them. Now I have read some things that have talked about how abducting brides was not an uncommon occurrence during this time - there was also historical information that talked about how it was important to marry outside of your tribe...blah blah blah
I don't have the knowwithall to back up "robbed-bride" practices, my earlier point still stands. If you hadn't abandoned your first wife and children to be murdered by the Lamanites, you wouldn't be skulking around the jungle stealing a new bride.
I don't know what better demonstrates the moral level of these men. They were mentally at the maturity of a 3 year old. I want it, so I take it. These men were priests in the court of the king, so this let's us know what kind of kingdom he was running and explains why he was so readily able to abandon his people to be slaughtered.
Later in Mosiah 23 we find out a bit about the outcome of these women.
As we move on in the story we find out that the Lamanites were none to happy with the disappearance of their daughters and waged war on King Limhi, thinking that his people had taken them. This war continues until Limhi is able to talk with the other king and determine why they are at war. Limhi then steps up and makes an oath to find out what happened to these kidnapped girls.
So a few questions for personal reflection:
How do I honor my personal relationships and in what ways do I strengthen them?
Under what circumstances would I consider leaving my spouse/partner?
Under those circumstances - what would I be willing to do in order to see if it was something we could work through?
Do I feel confident in my relationship to talk about these thoughts with my spouse/partner?
Similar to the King in the story, are there people or forces in my life that I might be likely to put before my close relationships?
If so, why is this?
What are my fears in my close relationships, and what am I actively doing to challenge these so that my weaknesses and fears can become strengths to me?
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